A Session About Nothing
Remember that Seinfeld episode “The Chinese Restaurant”? I realize I’m dating myself here, so if you were born in the 21st century, gather ‘round: Seinfeld was a sitcom in the 90s that was dubbed “The Show About Nothing” because its episodes centered around the most mundane of life’s moments. There certainly were many plots that, while relatable, were essentially pointless. But the moniker was misleading because it also tackled issues such as race, homophobia, and reproductive rights.
At first glance, “The Chinese Restaurant”- which was all about the three main characters waiting for a table- seemed meaningless (apparently the network execs were desperate to pull it because they thought viewers would immediately change the channel). But there was a lot more going on beneath the surface: Jerry worried that someone he recognized at the restaurant would tell his family that he lied about having plans; Elaine was fasting and desperate to eat; and George was anticipating a call from his girlfriend, their relationship on the fritz.
In a recent session, a client was sharing all the things he didn’t like about his last therapy experience. “She just kept asking me about how my day was and how I felt,” he recalled with disdain. I laughed and told him that I ask him those same questions every time we meet. He thought he may have offended me, but I validated that how we expect therapy to be often does not match how it actually is.
I explained how therapy is a conversation and that it is better when things arise organically, with the client leading the way. Everything I put out in a session is intentional, even what seems like banal small talk. He conceded that, although our session had started with chitchat, it put us in touch with a part of him that tends to grit his teeth through discomfort rather than saying what he wants. Connecting with that part allowed us to begin the process of healing it.
If Jerry, Elaine, or George were in a therapy session rather than a Chinese restaurant, the act of chatting while waiting would have quickly revealed a treasure trove of material positively ripe for analysis. And by then we would’ve had 2 seasons of “nothing” under our belts that established the necessary trust to dig deeper.
Therapy is as much about engagement, building rapport, and establishing trust as it is about rolling up our sleeves and getting to work. Therapy is a relationship, one that relies heavily on the connectedness between client and therapist in order to be successful. Sometimes we ramble, sometimes we wander. Sometimes it seems like it’s about nothing. But there is value in the rambling and the wandering. And the nothingness is often where we strike gold.
